It’s ok to not be ok

I am not ok.

We are all made up of a mind, body and spirit. When one gets broken, the others can be a part of what helps lift a person back up again. But when all three come under pressure, sustained and prolonged pressure, then break all at once…like Humpty Dumpty it seems impossible that the mind, body and spirit can be put back together again.

I’m in that place right now. And while I know it’s ok to not be ok, I’m currently getting the help I need to get out of it. But in between appointments, and specialists and treatment and medication, there are things I have to take responsibility for and begin to change in order to be whole again.

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The tortise and the hare: when comparing can be a good thing

I know I’m working on my speed this year, and am making good progress with Project Speedy; but I’m still a pretty slow runner. Not that I mind; I’d rather run slowly than not at all!

Over the last year I’ve met and made a number of running friends. One guy I know, Brian, is really fast. If I’m a tortise, he’s a hare. He ran his first marathon in three and a half hours…that’s half the time I finished mine in! (Unlike the hare of the fairy tale, he certainly did not stop in the middle for a nap!)

But yeah, he’s that fast. I could look at him and other fast runners like him, and get de-motivated because I’m not as fast as they are. I could look at his race times and sigh and decide I’ll never be that fast so I won’t even try. I could look at his training paces and despair that I didn’t discover running when I was younger and skinnier and fitter when I could have expected to be fast.

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On running into ducks on a pond

This evening, when I got home from work, I was not feeling like going for a run at all. And I didn’t have to go for a run. I could have put it off until tomorrow and called it a rest day. But something made me tweet for encouragement to get me out the door. The responses I got were unexpected but highly motivating.

It was this tweet that really motivated me into going for my run, thankful that I could run at all.

I am really grateful for everyone who tweeted me. It gave me the motivation I needed to get my gear on and get out the door. And I am so glad I did. Because if I hadn’t gone running:

I would have missed hearing one of the big cats at the zoo letting out some mighty roars and growls.

I would have missed seeing some ducks using a flooded part of the path as an impromptu pond.

I would have missed breathing deeply the scent of freshly mown grass.

I would have missed the camaraderie of recognizing other runners in the park as we passed each other twice in one evening.

I would have missed the little kid waving at me from his stoller as I ran past him and his mom.

I would have missed the sound of birdsong.

I would have missed being out in the fresh air  of a cool, spring evening.

I would have missed the chance to appreciate my body and what it can do, what it’s capable of.

I would have missed being reminded not to taking running for granted.

I would have missed being able to say ‘I did it’.

I would have missed running.



On being a ‘real’ runner – Part 2

In my last post (On being a ‘real’ runner – Part 1) I questioned the things that ‘real’ runners seem to need to achieve before they can call themselves ‘real’ runners and wrote that I believe anyone who runs is a ‘real’ runner.

As I wrote that first post I realised that it is easier said than done, to call myself a ‘real’ runner just because I run. And I think that everyone who runs has some kind of goal or achievement in their own mind that, when reached, will enable them to finally call themselves a ‘real’ runner.

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On being a ‘real’ runner – Part 1

Ever since I first saw a ‘real’ runner post on twitter, I’ve been confused.  It feels like these ‘real’ runner quotes are supposed to be motivational, and while I hope we’re not meant to take them too seriously, I find I still want to ask the question…isn’t anyone who runs a ‘real’ runner?  And why is being a ‘real’ runner such a big deal anyway, as if just being a runner wasn’t good enough?

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Running after not running

Last night I went for a run for the first time in 3 weeks.  It was awful and awesome at the same time.  I did find it hard going, particularly because it was very windy and I was running against the wind for most of my run.  But I have missed running so much that it still felt awesome to be moving at my (admittedly slow pace) over my usual running route.  I never set out to go three weeks without running, it was just a series of random things happening all in a row that stopped me.

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